Personal Life: Lesbian In A Straight Relationship (Amber's Self Discovery)

This will most likely be the final time, I make a blog like this to explain myself, and not that it shouldn't matter what I do in my life. I have people watching me constantly and wanting life updates including what I see and believe in. 

Let me make this clear on who I am. For most of my life I have been hated on, not sure why or how, I just am. I admit out loud, I am damn sure not the prettiest woman out there. I am used for sex more times than I would like to say out loud. I have been mentally abused since my teen years. I have been taken advantage of for my kindness. I have the worst way of expressing myself but when it comes to the truth, I am down right avoided for. I do suffer anxiety, depression, minor ptsd, and mental problems that I wish not to bring up to often. Yes, I can take medication to help my moods and everything else, does it help? No. Does sleeping help? I don't sleep since I have Insomnia and my brain never shuts down, I also have RLS, heart problems, and skin issues. I am in constant pain due to other health issues. Am I here working my butt off? Yes. I am a wonderful mother to the core, I take in kids that aren't mine but love them to pieces. 

Now to express what I have faced in the Lesbian Community which also includes Bisexual Community too. I hold nothing against the women I have been with since 2011. I don't have a girlfriend in my life, that is actually perfectly fine, I rather write about them in this case. Anyways, I have learned that if you aren't the most prettiest hot chick on this planet, you aren't going to be seen. If you aren't a freaking gold star and have kids or exes in your life then kiss that goodbye. Not saying this is all the Lesbian and Bisexual's but a good chunk in both communities are petty. The conflicts in relationships can be so much worse than a straight relationship. I do have respect for those that can have their perfect beloved undying love of marriage being together as two women. Guess what? None of us are that lucky. Their is egg shells that will be cracked on and much more. It is rough road no matter what part of LGBTQIA+ you are from. You are judged, hated, and down right harassed by men who can't accept change. 

My happiness is my own. Me and Larry have been working through the hardships that we lost over the course of three years from when he worked a certain job. We love each other to the core, we are bonded for life, and make each other happy. Do I regret coming out? No. Do I regret trying to seek a woman for my own happiness that will never come true? No, because my stories are just as good to handle what I can imagine if I did have a relationship with a woman. Do I still want a relationship with a woman? No, after learning how bad women are in the Community itself, not a chance. Do I crave a woman like I have before? Honestly, no. I get satisfaction reading and writing about them in my imagination. I have met a Queer Author who has her own husband and she is happy. My life shouldn't be microscoped for everyone in the world to know who I am. I am allowed to love a man, be attracted to him, be satisfied, and love him as much as he loves me. 

All because I came out as Lesbian, didn't mean I have to follow Lesbian Community and be with a woman when in all the limelight, I had who I wanted. I don't need to answer to anyone, I don't have to be bashed for being with a man. Reality is, I can't please everyone and I shouldn't be forced too. 

Author Sarah Markel, you had no right to judge me based on my love life. I love Larry, I love him more than you will ever know. Yes, I am calling you out for disrespecting me, judging me, and showing hate to how I run my life. I didn't care if you didn't want to promote my books but asking me questions about why I am with a man instead of a woman because I am lesbian doesn't give you no right to spread hate across both Communities, LGBTQIA+ and Indie Author. I will never say what your wife told me and what we discussed but you have a lot of nerve to judge me without even knowing me. I am still very much grateful for those that have stood up to me that day after I blocked her. No one in the Communities have ever cared about what I did in my life, not a single person has been so rude to judge and take to heart like you did to tear into me because I am with a man.

Do I plan on getting back with Larry? Your damn right. That man is mine, that man is the love of my life, that man has given me the world when others wouldn't, and he is the best person in my life to love and support me and Kamryn. We may have ups and downs, we may struggle to understand one another at times but what makes it all worth it, I love him, I really truly do love him. I didn't lose attraction to him, I didn't need a woman, and nothing was wrong with us. 10 years is a long time of loving someone. I am glad I haven't lost him due to trying to date a woman. I don't need anyone's permission on what I do with my life. I chased after him, I got him, and love him. My journey is over on going out in this world for others. 

I am a proud Lesbian Romance Author that is in love with a straight man that means everything to her. I am proud of coming out of the closet a second time but my happiness is my own, everyone else can go on with their lives and leave mine alone.

♥ Amber