Being The Outcast

I have always been an outcast all my life. I live in the shadows of those who don't like me. A recent experience back at home in Florida (my home state) and then a few years ago here in West Virginia (my safe place/home)  has proven that I don't reach anyone standards. Being surrounded by hate, being left behind, and so much more has proven that I am a nobody while my sweet husband and my adorable teenager are more important that they are people.

A few years back in 2023, his family came up to West Virginia for a Family Reunion that was great. We got to love New River Gorge in a new light. It's a gorgeous place especially the campground. Anyways, first day was fine, I had a good healthy day and got to enjoy some hamburgers and hotdogs for dinner that first night before coming back to our own area. Now the second day was a cluster fuck to say the least. I can't swim at any lakes due to my sensitive skin (Psoriasis) I get all sorts of tingling feelings and I get charlie horses so bad that I am in tears. (We had learned it's from the oils and such in these lakes here a week prior) Xia (Melanie) hates, hates, hates crowded places Summersville Lake got crowded that Summer because it was of course Father's Day Weekend and everything else. So, we went back to where the cabins were changed into our bathing suits and went to the pool there for Xia to swim. After swimming for a good hour, we figured someone would call us for dinner and a place to meet up. No, we didn't get a call or anything. Found out they went to some BBQ restaurant here, no idea where to be honest, but yeah seems the family all split up during dinner too but only one person wondered where the three of us were. We ended up going back home because what was the point of staying if we couldn't eat with everyone else. We were literally excluded. Not sure of the reasons but we were, we were totally forgot about and this was in our own State that we live in.

It is now a few years forward 2025, so we weren't prepared to go back to Florida right away. Me and Larry just celebrated 11 years together on May 30th, 2025. He just turned 40 on June 7th, 2025. Then as always in June somehow or another we get the bearer of bad news. God rest Momma Hoss aka Granny Hoss to Xia. We had to go down for her arrangements because she was brain dead on Saturday night into Sunday morning. She lost oxygen to her brain. But she died of a heart attack. Anyways, the days have worn thin on this family. I know it has. We were all heartbroken on Monday, she took her last breath at 8:30pm and she is now with her parents. Anyways, my man's Dad has a habit of bullying people like racism, big (fat) people, and he definitely dislikes disabled people. I will say this both of his parents don't fit the proper term In-Laws for me. They have literally tried to get rid of me. Not Xia, but me personally. Why? Cause for some damn reason, I don't fit the mold for Larry aka Junior. They both have tried in their own ways to not include me in anyway especially this time for the support of his Mama dying. Cause he was there for when my Grandpa died in 2019 as my families support including my Mom. Now, it is Father's Day Weekend and I was respectful as possible to family minus of what I couldn't eat. I can't eat fried foods including fried chicken wings, don't get me wrong I love some good ol' fashioned wings like the next person. I love red meats like deer, beef, pork, steak, and anything that taste really good of meats. Yes, I am a meat lover as much as the next person but people have been calling me Vegetarian recently because I can't eat what I want. His dad went out of his way to exclude me from anything he could. He bitched the whole time that I was down there and should be left in West Virginia. My dearest, lovely, sweetheart of a man tried many, many, many times to make that man understand that me and Xia were down there for supporting Larry for his Mama's death and he needed us. We are his family. I got excluded to the extreme after him calling me a Vegetarian because I couldn't eat what he got from Publix. If he would of asked, I would have told him but he just assumed I could eat what was being served. 

Now, anyone that personally knows me, knows that I am the nicest, sweetest, loving, caring person that their is which is why my man loves me so much because I do show up, I am right beside him, and be his support. I got called clingy by his Dad. I can tell you right now, I'm not clinging to my man by being clipped to his hip like a girlfriend normally would or least those that I have seen. I dated clingy ass men and let me tell you, I'm far from it. This man literally told my husband that I am clingy. I let that man spend time with his Dad and brother, be with family without being by his side. I love my man but damn, I do give him breathing room so he can hang out with family. Oh yeah, also as we were heading down this asshole of a man asked if I had family that we could stay with. We have told a good chunk of the family on his side, I have no one, NO ONE! My Grandpa Gail was the last living person in 2019 (I did cry hearing my own husband say that I had no one back in Florida because that truth hurt, I have no family and family/friends passed on within the past several years). That trip was a bad one too but that was because I was about to kill some bitch from my High School Years. And yeah, his family didn't like me much then either. Not so much the Step-In-Laws, they adore me and love me they treat me well. But from his dad and mom, I'm not what they see or what they had in mold of for their son. They treat him like he is a single man and rather him be without me. 

And, you are probably questioning why both his parents haven't liked me? What could be so bad about me? Well, my simple answer is that they most likely wanted their son to be with someone wealthy and successful with high end careers and let's face it a better model than me because I am disabled with a heart condition, skin condition, and in constant need of salt to keep me from passing out. Oh yes, I would like to add I FIXED THEIR SON mentally. I got him help. I never got an ounce of praises from either of them. I don't get a thank you or anything. I got the old Junior back that they wanted and I get nothing for it besides back handed remarks on anything that doesn't fit for them whether it is my disabilities or that I can't eat. 

After 3 days, I had enough of the shaming and being the outcast for trying to be my husbands support. I was worn and stressed. I was done. I am done. This isn't against the family members that do love me and love that I am with Larry. But, it is a known fact that I am the outcasted family member. It's bad enough my own family hasn't included me but when you are "married" into a family it is a lot worse especially when it is both parents. If you are wondering I love my parents and they love having Larry around. My family from both ends love having Larry apart of my life. 

So, I would like to include this by saying I hate my FIL and my MIL. Truth be told, I am glad his Mama is gone from this world and I can't wait for the old bastard to die too. I love my husband and BIL to death but I despise my parent In-Laws. 

That is my rant/vent whatever you want to call it. And, now you learned about me personally once more. 

~Amber