Am I A Bitter Author?

This is what may be the rawest of writing for a blog that I've ever done. This isn't just my Author blog though. It's a space for me to share my thoughts like the dairies/journals I had as a teenager before my mom went through them. 

I know you are probably wondering what I mean by bitter? 

The fact that I've held onto books that will never be Published Publicly because of all the hate that I received early on. Then you are correct. I was working on Scarlett & Angel A Girl For Her Series: Volume 4 and remembered that someone left it a 1 star on Goodreads...why? I don't know. No answer for it besides me not Publishing which I get. A lot of my books have gotten random 1 stars. I'm by far expected to release every book to what is on Goodreads between my real name and my old pen name Annora Rose. I had readers highly depending on me. I have failed that immensely. 

I may sound bitter and resentment for many years. Truth is I never got to finish what I started because it took me years to finally accept that some people really truly hate me or jealous to their bitter parts because I did something someone else probably wanted to do. Were my books great in the early years? Nope, I will admit that. I did go back and edit A Girl For Her Series Volume 1 & 2 but they still need another round as I found out through WeInk App. Volume 3 needed it as well but it doesn't explain why I'm bitter.

I'm bitter for not ignoring being called names, being harassed every time I released something, not taking everything to heart and turning it into a bitter battle of proving that I am a good enough Author. I went from loving it to hating it in a matter of years. Do I still love being an Author? Yes, but other times I have major regret being in the spotlight because I didn't perfect my work properly. Now I am molded into a shell of myself because I make myself do multiple rewrites, question what sounds better, and how does a story like mine fit into algorithm for today's world. 

Don't worry Jana & Angel will not be making appearances anymore. They are only on AO3 for my own reasons. They aren't going on Wattpad, Inkitt, GetInkspired, aJoara, and WeInk. My Series' will not be Published on Amazon anymore because I don't have the time and I rather be a Novelist. My Stand Alones have done somewhat better compared to my Series' that I've built since 2016. I've built my worlds around new characters and have expanded myself into something that still amazes me. 

If you are wondering that means I'm quietly shutting down? No, I'm just focusing on the writer part of myself that I hid for many years because I wanted to be "famous" to some extent to fit the molds of Authors in my genre. I will still be Publishing just in my own timely fashion and not everyone else's. I want to weave my way through books that need to be written in my own space like AO3. You will still see some Published works. 

Nashville Princess is a WIP which can be found on AO3 and Wattpad it will be spread across networks eventually. It's still in the beginning phases. Shay's Burning Desire will be next because 2017 seems forever ago and I miss that story to some extents. And, beyond that I have no idea. I know I want to do a story with my best friend Ashley (Ashes) Mohler, hopefully get involved with another Pride Anthology through Phoenix Voices Anthology that was fun my first go around. 

I'm not ashamed of being molded into someone else. I'm ashamed of what I went through and most of the world had to see the bitterness of it especially family and friends. 

I'm ending this by saying: Believe in yourself and keep writing. Publish works that you feel are worth it to the world. Don't let others ruin your accomplishments because of their own bitterness and jealousy. 

~Amber