Personal Life: Missing Parts Of Who I Am

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I thought I would be done expressing myself on this subject but it seems that I can't. Writing my stories aren't enough. Reading lesbian stories aren't enough either. I had to change genres' of reading because I am missing having a woman in my life. No, I still don't have a girlfriend after Mackenzie, I haven't searched for one again. It has been a long year being with the man of my whole world. I love him and Will both very much but both have come to accept that yeah, I am lesbian. I am still straight on somethings but not alot. I am 100% lesbian, I thought I was bisexual and lesbian but no, I am 100% into women only. I didn't need a quiz to tell me. I participated in quizzes last night with Xia (Kammie) and friends for fun. Yeah, I am 100% woman and 100% lesbian which I knew from my pre-teen years.

Anyways, do I hate the Lesbian and Bisexual Community to some extent. I will not hide the fact that it does bother me how people are treated. But that isn't my issue of return to dating world when Kammie turns 18. Yes, I am waiting until Kammie is old enough because as much as I love Larry and how much he means to me, I don't expect him to be with someone after me. I am the best woman he has ever had. Reality is that I want to have a life with a woman. Everyone knows this about me. I am into women only. I am staying with Larry for Kammie's sake so he can finish growing up. Is it fair to me? No, but my son loves having Larry around and so do my parents. Not that he is leaving anywhere but I will have to learn to separate myself from him. 

If one woman forces me to remove him from my life though I will not stand for it. He came into my life long before anyone else. All because I am lesbian doesn't mean he can't be apart of my life. He is my best friend as much as Will is. You can't punish me for having male best friends. The only reason I stopped dating in the LGBT Community is because I am used for sex as much as I was with men. I am not looked at as girlfriend material (no, this isn't towards Mackenzie she is asexual). So, when and if I find me a girlfriend again, I want her to accept that Larry and Will are my soulmates and best friends. They don't leave my life all because I have a woman in it. It doesn't operate in my world and it goes for Kammie too. That is my child, my child is apart of my world you either deal or leave. 

Right now, even though I am missing part of myself by being with a woman. I am waiting until Kammie is old enough to handle life and move out of this state as his request with his partners in the future. So, I am still labeled as a Lesbian In A Straight Relationship but this is for the sake of Kammie. No one else. My parents, I am pretty sure have caught on that yeah, I am in love with Larry but their is more to me than being with a man like him when I desire a female so much more.

From this point forward. It is a matter of patience. Kammie still has a long way to go before his life moves on and I am going to cherish every moment of it. Also, enjoy my time with Larry as my partner.

♥ Amber


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